JUST STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME

sorry if i'm coming across as some kinda selfish bitch. but i really really HATE this kinda feeling. every time there's an outing, and i'll feel really excited bout it. but the moment i know he's going, it dampens my mood. and i'm no longer looking forward to the whole thing.

if you wanna hate me. then either tell me why and we'll try to solve it. or JUST STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME. dont give me that stupid i-am-all-high-and-mighty-i-dont-like-you-but-i-dont-wanna-tell-you-why-but-i-will-still-appear-in-front-of-you kind off stuff.

i hate it that i have to bear with the feeling of not talking to someone if you're talking to them. i hate it that i cannot just walk anywhere but have to watch where you are to avoid you. i hate it that i cannot sit anywhere i want cuz i've gotta see where the hell you're sitting 1st. i hate it that i have to make sure you're not there before i'm heading there. i hate it that i have to feel very yuan wang feeling of knowing someone hates me but i've got no damn idea why!

I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE IT.

most importantly, i also have to feel so goddamn guilty whenever a friend asks me if he could go. in my heart i'm screaming out loud NO WAY IN HELL. totally freakin damn against it. but i'll feel guilty for saying no cuz honestly speakin asking me it's just a form of courtesy. and i dont really have any say in not letting him go. argh. i hate this feeling the most i guess.

at 1st i thought i could just ignore this whenever he's around. but that's total bullshit. how am i going to ignore when there's someone else wearing this huge flashing signboard saying i hate you. and i have to tiptoe my way around him on the verge of feeling guilty for god knows what god damn reason. been trying to express my feelings to my friends. but i guess they dont quite understand.

sometimes i just wanna be that big bitch and start demanding in your face what the hell do you want. but i can guess your reaction, which is just to walk away. and i would have just humiliated myself. i wish you'll just stop appearing in front of me. you're the person who wants to hate. then so be it. just stay the hell away from her. what is wrong with you. why are you always appearing saying you dont mind when you know i'm going to. if you hate me. you should mind the fact that i'm there. and stay the hell away from me.

thought that this should not be affecting me this much. but i guess it's cuz you're part of 410.